Forgiven so that I can forgive †

Turning 21.

2009-05-10T20:33:00.000+08:00

I have never thrown parties before in my entire life... and I always fretted over the hassle of having to invite guests and to try and organise things to go around.

When it came to my 21st birthday party, I made up my mind to have a hassle-free, no-frills event where things were just free and easy with the least trouble for the most number of people.

It was wonderful spending time with all these people; to know that so many people actually mattered to me, and that I mattered to so many people.

It was as if my entire life was laid out before me in terms of the friends that I have made over the years; people whom I interacted with, lived with, had conflicts with...

Amazing...

I'm so blessed to have such people in my life.

Yet one great heartache persists... none of my JC classmates showed up for the party... Was that chapter really so grim?

Coming 21...

2009-05-01T08:33:00.000+08:00

My 21st birthday is coming... in just 2 days.

Yet I don't feel any difference... I feel exactly the same inside as when I was 18, 16, or even 12...

But of course, there are other significant changes.

Ultimately, a birthday is just another day.

The past...

2009-04-28T12:36:00.001+08:00

A sudden rush of blood to my head inspired me to start searching for all the old pictures that I had taken years ago. I was amazed at the sheer difference between then and now...

People change, but it is even more incredible to see the transformation and simply exclaim "Wow"...

Let's just say that there were times in my life that I was a total eyesore.

Hillsong London - You Are Here (The Same Power)

2009-04-20T11:37:00.001+08:00

The Michael Guglielmucci Controversy

2009-04-17T10:15:00.001+08:00

Michael Guglielmucci was a preacher who lied about having cancer for 2 years, going around preaching and inspiring people to the faith.

No doubt, this deception may have stunned and betrayed the trust of millions, but does it shatter our faith?

Who is our faith based on; this man, or Christ?

If only life were simpler...

2009-04-14T10:23:00.000+08:00

I wake.

I have my breakfast.

On alternate days I go out for a morning jog.

I spend the rest of the day reading, playing the guitar, or on the computer; with little other variation.

But life is not that simple. There still exist worry and fear, doubt and anxiety... complications to simplicity.

If only...

The Passion of the Christ

2009-04-12T19:20:00.000+08:00

Lesson from Life - Conflict...

2009-04-09T09:47:00.000+08:00

"It's very normal..."

Conflicts between people are very normal... and realistically, they are the way a relationship grows.

Part of the conflict resides within oneself, trying to find a middle ground between what one thinks and one feels. It arises when two separate people try to lead a common life when in fact, they really still are, separate.

Very interesting.

Complete!

2009-03-31T11:00:00.000+08:00

Last year, I was passed a book to read when I was dead bored with life because I didn't have anything productive to do.

Now it has come full circle.

I completed that book yesterday.

I am not bogged down with a job now, but definitely far from bored.

End of the month.

2009-03-30T10:21:00.000+08:00

The month is ending soon.

Another month of 2009 passes...

Time to look for a new job.

Tension... oh boy...

2009-03-28T09:34:00.000+08:00

"Today will be my last time joining you people. It has been really nice knowing you guys."

The room fell silent.

"Because someone here has made me feel very uncomfortable..."

I spoke, "What gives you the right to say you're being made to feel uncomfortable... In any case, you had better leave."

All at once the atmosphere grew tense... glares and stares were exchanged. A few hushed remarks rose and fell.

I put my hand over my mouth... I could not control my laughter, in spite of the rising tension in the atmosphere. It was terrifying, but something in me simply tickled.

"Darius... he..."

She looked down, giving a morose expression.

Looking up quickly, she gave Sharon a quick shove. "Stole Sharon from me!"

I removed my hand from my mouth and laughed.

It took a while for them to realise it was a joke though...

Rules of Engagement.

2009-03-23T16:12:00.000+08:00

"Now you don't have to follow the rules anymore..."

"Yeah, I don't."

There are rules that boys must learn.

Now it's time to break them all.

Discovering Me - Photo Review.

2009-03-21T10:41:00.000+08:00

Ever since I left that job, I have been so free that I simply spent the bulk of my time uploading my entire computer's worth of pictures onto Facebook.

Looking through those pictures, I realise that I seem to look different every year, at every phase of my life.

It is incredible; and extremely noticeable.

That's something about me. I segment my life and make a clean break every time.

The world slows to a crawl...

2009-03-18T10:04:00.000+08:00

Working where I did, every single moment was so packed that I could not even hear myself think.

But now, the world slows to a complete crawl. I never realised that time actually passed this slowly.

Every minute can be so peaceful... uneventful.

It is amazing, just amazing.

And it will probably stay this way till the end of the month.

Quitting.

2009-03-16T13:09:00.000+08:00

I left my job today.

It was an amicable affair.

Life goes on.

I can't believe it but I'm feeling so bored now!

Blame game.

2009-03-15T08:25:00.001+08:00

I had always thought I had seen the worst of blame games in National Service, little did I expect the blame game to only get worse...

I most probably went down in my troopers' memories as the sergeant who had never screamed at them before. I never ever blew my top at anyone no matter how badly I was scolded or yelled at; I don't believe in passing on the blame or screaming and trying to pass the negative emotion along.

But yesterday was my one and only boiling point. I totally blew my top. No one has ever seen me THIS angry; not even myself.

I simply loathe blame games...

Friday the 13th... the second coming.

2009-03-14T08:58:00.001+08:00

I'm not superstitious, but Friday the 13th for the second time this year has not been good.

I really loathe my job, big time. It is one thing to work like a dog, and an even bigger thing to get blasted when things screw up.

Of course, things could have been done much better if I could be given some time and space to even hear myself think. But let's just say that even thinking is a luxury now.

And I have other reservations about the job... and "reservations" is an understatement.

Let's just say it was the people around that made it hell...

Extreme Monday Blues?

2009-03-02T18:04:00.000+08:00

I was completely muddle-headed today...

It is a little difficult to explain, but I am going to try...

I clean forgot about my Lasik surgery review, until I received an SMS reminder of my appointment on 2nd March. For some peculiar reason, I was under the impression that 2nd March was a Tuesday, which is tomorrow.

So, I applied for half a day's leave on 2nd March, but thought that I was applying for half a day's leave on Tuesday.

I came back from lunch today, and my manager asked me why I was still around.

"Huh?" I replied, clueless. "It's tomorrow isn't it?"

I checked my appointment card, then checked my phone calendar.

"Oh shit..."

It was embarassing. I sat on the train still befuddled by my muddle-headedness. That was still not the end.

When on the train, I was too busy answering a call from work that I missed the station I was supposed to stop at; I had initially planned to head straigh to the clinic even though my appointment was nearly three hours later.

So, I ended up going home.

My brain simply failed to work today...

A case of extreme Monday blues?

Hair...

2009-03-01T18:44:00.000+08:00

People are commenting that my hair is too long.

Well, it's the longest it has been in two years... I don't blame them for saying that.

But I love my hair...

End of another month...

2009-02-28T09:20:00.000+08:00

The month is ending... cool.

That means a really fat paycheck is coming in.

Really fat...

Piss-ful or Peaceful?

2009-02-23T20:54:00.000+08:00

Peaceful days are rare... but I'm glad today was one.

Other days are simply piss-ful... you go home feeling so pissed off that you really don't feel like doing anything useful for the rest of the day.

Let's pray for more peaceful days and less piss-ful ones.

Oh kill me, please!

2009-02-17T19:50:00.000+08:00

"Oh kill me, please!"

Have you ever been in that kind of situation where you are working at breakneck speed and already delivering on your work like a high speed processor, but work still
keeps piling up?

Well... let's just say that it has been this way for me for the past few days.

Either this CPU is going to burn up, or it is going to get so savvy at what it does that it becomes an uber-streamlined supercomputer...

Which is the more likely?

I wonder...

Lesson from Life - Bad Resumes III

2009-02-16T07:41:00.001+08:00

I figure after working where I do, I will very much get the idea of what NOT to put in my resume.

The list just keeps on growing!

I came across another guy's resume that went and stated all his measurements; more than just vital statistics...

Things like his thigh's circumference, and other measurements all around his body... his pant size wasn't exactly ideal either.

Then I came across another...

"Certificate of profficiency in English"

I think that says a lot.

Lesson from Life - Bad Resumes II

2009-02-09T21:23:00.000+08:00

Bad resumes never seem to stop coming...

A good resume simply states things to the point, and is absolutely clear on the direction it wants to go; it only says what it needs the employer to know.

Bad resumes list down qualification after qualification without actually heading anywhere. Somewhat saying a lot without actually saying anything.

Some people place ridiculous examination results that are simply not worth a second look, i.e. broadcasting that you barely scraped through your O levels is simply awful, a simple line that says you took and passed the O levels will suffice.

But some things definitely do not qualify as qualifications (pardon the choice of words there)... such as "I pose nude for photographers and art students".

I looked at the picture on the resume...

Fortunately, I hadn't had lunch yet.

Please, people, even if you had a face that could launch a thousand ships and you pose nude for photographers, a simple line like "I am a model with XXX Agency" would suffice on a resume... unless you are trying to enter a profession there.

Reserve.

2009-02-05T22:47:00.003+08:00

It is a Singaporean habit to "reserve" seats at tables with tissue packets at hawker centres, but little did I expect something so amusing as this.

It was during lunch today that someone placed this tissue packet from OCBC at the table where I was sitting, having kway chap for lunch.

If you look closely, the words go something like "Do you RESERVE enough cash every month?"

Reserve...

Birthday parties...

2009-01-31T07:44:00.000+08:00

This year, all my peers are turning 21... and I expect plenty of parties to be held around the place.

Thing is, what about mine?

I will definitely NOT be doing the following:

Chalet
House party
Overseas trip

It's just not my type...

Lesson from Life - Bad Resumes

2009-01-28T21:46:00.000+08:00

Part of my job involves looking through resumes to see if people fit the bill for the job.

I thought I had seen my fair share of bad resumes when I ploughed through stacks of badly worded documents, some overly self-effacing and yet others overtly pompous to the extent of being annoying; and yet others a mixture of them all. Some put pictures of themselves that were simply awful...

But then I came upon a resume today that totally blew me away.

I had previously thought that putting one's height and weight on one's resume was bad enough, particularly when one's weight is not within acceptable range, but this one dropped a bomb on my Hiroshima.

Vital Statistics: 36" 28" 52" (I might actually have remembered the last digit wrongly.)

I was stunned.

Well.

Those figures aren't particularly flattering.

Even if they were, I think employers can do without knowing that.

Seriously man...

CNY again.

2009-01-26T09:51:00.001+08:00

"Why pink?" I asked.

"It's Chinese New Year?"

It takes so much just to remind me that it is Chinese New Year today.

The concept of a cultural holiday is simply lost to me...

Wow.

Feel the fatigue...

2009-01-24T06:57:00.000+08:00

Been feeling the fatigue in my bones lately...

Work is actually quite tiring, getting up at 6 and working your day away till you sleep...

Chinese New Year would serve as a welcome break...

Crash.

2009-01-18T15:51:00.000+08:00

Well... just this morning, I was backing my Dad's car when it crashed into my neighbour's car...

Rear view camera got ruined.

To my relief, actually, this afternoon, it was found to be okay, just a little "disoriented".

Lesson learnt: if you have a rear-view camera, use the rear-view camera, otherwise it will get screwed up.

Speedy days.

2009-01-17T08:26:00.000+08:00

Days pass really quickly nowadays. I start work, and before I know it, it is lunchtime, and the next thing I know, it's time to go.

Amazing.

It is good to have working days pass so quickly, but to have a fast-forwarded life... hmmm...

Female-dominated environment.

2009-01-11T15:55:00.000+08:00

One thing that struck me when I first stepped into the workplace was the sheer lack of males in the office; I was virtually the only guy there.

For once, there were so many females already. Then, there came more... and more.

Someone then asked me what it feels like taking orders from a woman.

"It's like listening to your Mum..." I replied.

Idle Accounts.

2009-01-07T08:26:00.000+08:00

"Do you have a Facebook account?"

"No."

"Why don't you create one?"

"Not really interested in stuff like that..."

"It's like a religion, right? You're just anti-Facebook?"

"Yeah, kinda..."

There was a time when Friendster was all the hype, and I created a Friendster account.

But I've never quite touched it ever since.

Now Facebook is all the hype, and I just recently created a Facebook account...

Queen of Metal - Ailyn

2009-01-05T20:48:00.001+08:00

Pilar Gimenez Garcia, otherwise known as Ailyn, is the new singer for Norwegian gothic metal band Sirenia.

Classically trained, she sings in a style that resembles pop-rock or trance more than opera or common heavy metal vocals. Lady-like and sweet, the sound of her voice changes the feel of Sirenia's songs, creating a more mainstream effect while still maintaining the band's lyrical themes and musical qualities.

She is basically doing for Sirenia what Anette Olzon did for Nightwish, but only time can tell of the full effect of Ailyn.

Busy busy...

2009-01-05T20:45:00.000+08:00

Life swings between extremes...

Just a short while ago, I was complaining that I was too bored, and then I gradually filled my life up with things.

Now, it is starting to overflow...

Incredible...

Magic Stones.

2009-01-04T16:08:00.000+08:00

"So, what do you work as?" That is the common response once people see me overdressed, or simply as a follow-up to the first question which usually goes something like 'What are you doing now?'

"Erm... well..."

It is somewhat difficult explaining what I do exactly, since simply naming my job title does not fully reflect the nature of my job.

When there is plenty of time to tell a long story about what my job entails exactly, I go ahead and tell the long story about it all...

But of course, there isn't always time and space to go explaining everything from scratch to everybody.

"I sell magic stones to old ladies."

Discovering Me - Special Days

2008-12-31T07:50:00.000+08:00

As a child, just like anyone else, I was fascinated by the coming of holidays; special days on the calendar that seemed all so magical. Their coming always had fireworks, or incredible performances, and everyone looked so happy...

But soon, I realised that there were people who worked on holidays, having to slog hours and hours in order to get the fireworks up; I realised that 12am in Singapore was something like 11am in New York, and that they would be celebrating 12am only 13 hours later; I realised that the ones behind the fireworks were actually people.

My childhood fascination quickly faded into gritty disillusionment.

To me, New Year's Day is just another day; same goes for Christmas, Chinese New Year and other holidays, or perhaps even my birthday. The sun rises, the sun sets... it is not as if the sun rose from the West, or set any differently, much as we would like to imagine.

I spent my 19th birthday doing guard duty in camp... fancy that...

As far as I'm concerned, all these special days are probably just days that guys use to make a lame excuse to ask girls out on dates...

"Hey, would you like to go out with me?"

"Why?"

"Oh, to celebrate the New Year!"

(Well, if I were a girl, and the guy's a total jerk, I'd be spitting in his face already... maybe that's why I wasn't born a girl.)

Something like that...

I just don't seem to enjoy these days as much as other people seem to. Nonetheless, this does not stop me from appreciating the fact that others do revel in special dates, and I will probably still end up using these dates as lame excuses to ask girls out.

But as far as I'm concerned, I'll probably just turn off the lights and sleep tonight, get up early... and maybe wish others a "Happy New Year" only tomorrow when I get up, or when I see them around.

Hillsong - From the Inside Out (Mighty To Save Album)

2008-12-29T09:33:00.000+08:00

"Okay, never mind."

2008-12-28T17:19:00.000+08:00

"Church is the best place to be ending the year, right?"

Silence...

I roll my eyes.

"Okay, never mind."

Oh well... what can I say...

Holidays.

2008-12-26T09:37:00.000+08:00

There was a time when you could literally feel holidays; to feel that holiday mood...

But those days are long gone.

Maybe that's what makes childhood so special. Something about children... that you can feel the atmosphere and the cheer...

Killjoy (A French Animation)

2008-12-25T16:28:00.001+08:00

This animation is quite professionally done, and has quite a good theme behind its presentation too.

Masterfully juxtaposes the old against the new, showing how some things never should change and ultimately bringing forward the message of love being the main point of Christmas in a light-hearted manner.

Looking for a job...

2008-12-24T08:29:00.000+08:00

The job market is dominated by women.

When it comes to a job at my current level of qualification, employers seem to be seeking females rather than males. Sales, promotion, receptionist and other jobs like these favour the female gender much more than the male gender. Even a middle-aged housewife has better prospects than I can possibly have for these jobs.

Sad but true; you'd prefer to interact with a female at a counter rather than a male...

Well... I'll keep looking, but I'm running short on cash...

Please, dear God...

2008-12-22T10:20:00.000+08:00

"Please, dear God, don't let me fuck up."

That was what Alan Shepard, the first American astronaut in space, prayed just before his flight on Freedom 7.

One of the coolest lines ever.

I'm making it mine.

Growing old...

2008-12-21T17:38:00.000+08:00

The knowledge and feeling that you are getting on years is depressing.

The Youth Camp was very much an epiphany, a point of discovery where I found that I am perhaps a little old...

Well... sad but true...

Ill Irony.

2008-12-16T15:58:00.000+08:00

I can't remember the last time I had a fever. In fact, I might have actually developed a resistance to the most definitive symptom of fever, high temperature.

And that sucks big time, because no one is going to believe you feel like total crap unless you can show them the thermometer with a reading that screams "fever".

I develop all the symptoms; headache, sore throat, blocked nose... you name it... but I just ain't got that temperature.

Such ill irony.

Film Recommendation - Ghost Town

2008-12-16T09:59:00.001+08:00

It is a shame that Ghost Town was not released in Singapore; and I am rather critical about the local taste in arts and everything between the lines, but I shall leave that jeremiad for another entry.

Ghost Town is a story about a man who can see dead people, a la Ghost Whisperer, tied up into a very well-written plot about a complete prick who finds new life (both literally and metaphorically), after being dead due to a botched general anaesthetic procedure.

The film borrows heavily from many other films of similar premise, such as the award-winning Ghost, re-introducing themes of the meaning of life, complete with comic moments and quirky stand-up humour.

Albert Einstein's "Only a life lived for others is worth living" sums up the idea of really living. And with references to mummies from Ancient Egypt, the film concludes beautifully that ultimately, the ones who struggle to let go are really the living, who have to go through the complete effort of embalming their dead and bottling up their organs, burying them with gold and silver just to get the slightest assurance that the dead will be alright.

Moreover, the lovely Tea Leoni, who plays the newly-widowed curator around which the plot revolves, really explains why real-life husband David Duchovny admitted himself into rehab for sex addiction.

Beautifully rounded up, and brilliantly scripted, the film is a marvel, but might simply appeal to the regular audience as "just another romantic comedy" with a few laughs and witty humour.

Yet, I highly doubt I might catch this film in the cinema if it comes, given its relatively simple premise with no adrenaline-pumping action scenes, which really should make us all feel ashamed about our tastes in good art...

Ill feeling...

2008-12-15T13:03:00.000+08:00

Ever tried going an entire afternoon without drinking any water?

Well, you'd end up pretty much like me.

Nose was so blocked that I could not breathe in the middle of the night, and a throat so sore that it hurt just to breathe through my mouth... it was pretty terrible.

But the thing about falling sick is, you never fall sick when you want to, and you always fall ill when you want it the least.

Ah well... plenty of water and a lot of rest...

Film Recommendation - Bolt

2008-12-13T18:55:00.000+08:00

With a story revolving around a dog that thinks its role as a superhero in a TV series is real, Bolt is a formula for success.

Though designed for a young audience, the film touches on many themes that appeal to mature audiences as well. Dealing with the notion of reality vs. fantasy in a light-hearted, yet almost Matrix/Truman Show fashion; how Bolt's wide-eyed ivory-tower innocence and gullibility is placed in stark contrast to Mitten's gloomy, disillusioned worldview, and how these two find a beautiful middle ground. The film uses this powerfully, touching on themes of friendship, perception, and a notion of courage; courage that transcends normalcy and makes mere simple creatures into heroes.

In a similar strain as Tropic Thunder, the film also touches heavily on the role of an actor and how sometimes the role might be taken too far. It also takes jabs at the media studios, and how sometimes studios resort to completely ridiculous antics just to appeal to audiences.

No doubt, the film itself contains numerous hilarious moments that subtly parody the superhero genre, such as styrofoam doubling up as Bolt's "kryptonite".

In all, a good film. Though faltering sometimes, the film delivers its message with a punch and a jab, and brings great holiday entertainment while educating and touching the hearts of those who watch a film about man's best friend... or rather, a girl's best friends...

Discovering Me - Film Art

2008-12-12T15:38:00.000+08:00

I dig films... probably much more than the average Joe ever would.

To me, films are a brilliant new art form. Most people just walk in and out of theatres and switch off their television sets satisfied with the basic highlights of the plots and marvelling at the actions scenes, or simply cooing about how good-looking the actors and actresses are, but I find they are missing out on a lot more than that.

Film is, to a large extent, the savvy new child of theatre, circus acts, visual art, literature and music all put together. There is so much to appreciate in how it all comes together to create an amplified snippet of reality, just like the way an artist or poet sings his praises about something.

That said, I am perfectly fine with spoilers. In fact, I often read the plot of the film before watching it, just to see how skilful the cinematography is. It is somewhat similar to reading a book and watching the film based on the book; but of course, one must compare and contrast the two and observe the delivery of the same themes, since the director and writer will definitely offer differing perspectives on the themes.

Like a literary text, a film has themes and messages behind its narrative, and a good film delivers on that, while a bad film simply tramples on its own messages, or worse, has none at all. Some of the best films I have seen entertain while delivering powerful, thought provoking messages that keep you thinking for days after you have seen the film, something like how the best motivational speakers impact us while keeping us at the edge of our seats during the talk.

Spectacle, atmosphere, and emotion... the best directors tread a fine line, amplifying these without going overboard, while coherent with the plot and keeping the characters consistent with themselves.

Some of the most brilliant modern-day composers can also be found in the film industry, artfully weaving atmosphere into the scenes while appealing to our aural senses with catchy signature tunes that we hum to ourselves.

Pity, therefore, how cheap TV dramas and soap operas have watered down our tastes so badly that all we really care about is walking out of the cinema having had a stomachful of popcorn and some cheap laughs with plenty of meaningless action and raunchy romance.

Well... till the next film comes around...

Finding something to do.

2008-12-10T18:42:00.000+08:00

Every day, I crack my head thinking, trying to find something to do... something fruitful.

If only I had created a longer list of things to do before I ORD-ed...

Jackets...

2008-12-09T11:23:00.000+08:00

You just gotta love jackets...

Jackets and jeans... that's a really cool combination...

Well... not 'cool'-ing though... which is quite a problem in these parts...

Dad got me two... at a discount. One's a blazer, actually...

Totally wicked.

So Sweet!

2008-12-08T09:55:00.000+08:00

Pushing Daisies is so sweet!

I can't help but feel really warm and tingly when I watch Pushing Daisies... The child-like fairytale nature of the characters and their conversations is simply amazing.

Sometimes you wish you could live in a world so fantastic, so innocent in the midst of all that is going around... sometimes you wish you could speak so frankly and openly to people.

The conversations that Ned and Chuck share are far from being actually mushy, but instead feel so innocently intimate and sweet that you'd get sugar diabetes by the end of each episode.

Plus, I especially love the moments when Ned is forced to work with Olive on something; the awkwardness felt by both characters mixed with the simple sincerity of them both is incredible.

Simply love the world that Brian Fuller created; it is so innocent and sweet... which makes me feel awful knowing that ABC is not ordering anymore episodes for the second season, or worse, cancelling the series for good.

Innocence... not a word well-known in our modern society...

Hillsong - Run

2008-12-05T17:01:00.000+08:00

Film Recommendation - Silence of the Lambs

2008-12-04T08:06:00.000+08:00

There is a good reason why Silence of the Lambs won best picture, best actor, best actress, best director and other accolades, becoming the top film of 1991.

The film is a classic crime thriller, with Anthony Hopkin's Hannibal Lecter as the most horrifying villain in movie history. Recent films have attempted to humanise their villains, showing some justification for their actions and trying to explain why and how they became what they became, but Silence makes no such pretence, revealing only what needs to be revealed about these monsters while simultaneously surrounding them in a web of intrigue and awe.

It is amazing, too, how director Jonathan Demme creates the atmosphere in the movie, and how Hannibal can be so unnervingly calm in a situation of growing intensity. Atmosphere and tension are masterfully created in the film, utilising little more than dialogue and wide-angle close-ups.

Fantastic film, with plenty of eye candy with a young Jodie Foster as well.

Discovering Me - Morning Person

2008-12-03T08:17:00.000+08:00

Having had two late nights this week, I remembered how much I disliked staying up past bedtime.

Personally, I love the mornings. I have an almost fairytale-like image of my perfect morning ingrained in my mind; one complete with chirping birds, a cool morning breeze, a sunrise and some New Age music to complete the picture.

I wake up early, spending the morning doing my devotion and having an early breakfast. It is an interesting time alone, contemplative, introspective, almost surreal...

In contrast, I cannot stand being woken up by the late morning sun in my face; it is irritating, and sometimes it gives me a splitting headache.

And in my opinion, nothing too productive actually happens during a late night, since few companies, schools or other productive organisations work only the night shift; although I will not dispute the reproductive nature of the night.

So, it is not rare to see me up and running by the time the sun rises.

I'm a morning person.

Armin van Buuren - In and Out of Love (feat Sharon den Adel)

2008-12-02T18:30:00.001+08:00

I don't exactly have many trance tracks on my playlists, but it can be considered one of my better favoured genres...

SPH Conference.

2008-12-02T17:13:00.000+08:00

Going to a scholarship talk yesterday felt really strange...

The conference hall was packed to its limits; all the seats from front to back were filled with absolutely no gaps left between them. I was one of the unfortunate few to have been left without a seat.

Watching the entire group of students from junior colleges and polytechnics, I simply felt weird.

Two years... it has been that long. Two years ago, I was in their position, seated there and going up to the microphones and asking questions that I already knew the answers to; asking questions that I knew the answers they gave would never satisfy...

Watching the wide-eyed individuals in their seats was sobering.

Two years can do a lot to change one's perspectives.

Discovering Me - Facade of Reality

2008-11-29T19:39:00.000+08:00

I have always looked older than my actual age, ever since I was in secondary school. It is good and bad, in many ways.

Friends of my parents have always mis-estimated my age. When I was in secondary school, people thought I was in junior college, or about to enter army, or something like that. People who see me with my brother used to think we were the same age, that we were friends. Some even thought that I was the older one.

All these were passing comments, but one of my more vivid encounters was when I had to wear a blazer and tie as part of a school seminar. When I was at the MRT station, a bunch of children approached me and asked "Uncle, would you like to buy some sweets?"

I was shocked.

"Uncle?!" I replied. "I'm only 17!"

On that very same day, a young man came out of his car and asked me politely, "Sir, may I borrow your phone?"

I've actually mentioned these in a previous post, probably about two or three years back, but as time goes by, things get more preposterous.

People have approached me to promote credit cards and go a long way around before I finally get to explain to them that I am actually not working; or rather, at that point of time, not even at working age yet.

Another thing about me; people have asked me if I am local, which is completely weird.

Once, I was explaining to this person how to get to Junction 8, and the question that followed immediately after was "Are you local?"

That was in secondary school.

Also, while supporting a friend at a tennis match, some fellow schoolmates asked me "Are you from China?"

The same went when I was trying to buy some shoes during my secondary school years, and was speaking in Chinese.

Of late, I walked into some shops and people asked me if I was a tourist and if I had particular credit cards at my disposal.

"I'm a local," I replied. "And no, I do not have DBS or American Express..."

Well, there are advantages to this facade of reality...

House Chores.

2008-11-29T09:55:00.000+08:00

With my parents out of town, I have very much become the one who does all the housework.

One of the hardest pieces of housework is the laundry; it is quite difficult to sort out who wears what. It is a lot easier if you just do your own...

Well... so much for having nothing to do.

Light Soprano

2008-11-27T19:25:00.001+08:00

Of all vocalists I have heard, I find one voice type the sweetest of all; the light soprano. And amongst light sopranos, Liv Kristine probably has the best voice of them all.

Her voice is so sweet, you get a sugar rush just by hearing it. Sometimes it makes her sound years younger than she really is.

Discovering Me - Black and White

2008-11-26T17:56:00.000+08:00

I perceive the world in black and white.

No, it is not that I cannot appreciate colour, but that I tend to dislike "grey areas" in my life, drawing clear lines between separate things, and keeping things distinct.

As I have mentioned a couple of times before, my time in National Service proved that I am pretty good at keeping things separate. For five days a week, I was a soldier, fulfilling my National Service obligations, and for the other two, I made sure that there was absolutely nothing to do with anything in the shade of green.

ORD-ing only made things even more distinct. I have made numerous changes to my wardrobe since I ended my National Service, and will continue to do so.

I draw lines between things.

To me, I distinguish between the simplest of things.

Food. I have principles and definitions for food that we simply eat to fill our stomachs, and food that we eat and relish. Thus, I do not particularly enjoy fast-food as it falls into the "grey area", and neither do I enjoy snacks like chips, though ice-cream is an exception. More often than not, one would find me opting for the cheapest food options when I consume it alone, but when it is time to purposefully share a meal with a friend or a group, the bill is never small.

Clothes. Well, let's just say my wardrobe is generally either black or white, but this has little to do with our topic today. I have not truly experienced a need to distinguish my clothes too far from what any other person would do; one does not wear thick winter clothing in the hot sun, or singlets and shorts to a formal gathering.

Work and play. National Service was a good example.

Life. Generally, I set goals in my life, and break things down into chapters. For my two years of National Service, I aimed for things, setting small goals and objectives, which I have fulfilled satisfactorily by the end of it.

Principles... they are what sets us apart from animals, no matter how fragile these notions are.

I live by principles; and a monochrome world is just one of them.

Lesson from Life - Kopitiam and McDonald's Culture, the Singaporean Way.

2008-11-26T09:51:00.000+08:00

It was embarassing taking a bunch of 14 and 15 year-olds out to a classy restaurant yesterday...

To put it simply, table etiquette was missing, and some comments they made clued me in on the cultural background these people were coming from.

Nonetheless, I believe this is probably a reflection of Singaporean, heartlander culture, or what I would call the Kopitiam-and-McDonald's Culture.

In Singapore, the commonplace nature of food centres and fast-food restaurants creates a certain impatience and absence of proper table etiquette. Food, in Singapore, is consumed fast, and in many ways, a strictly functional and practical "necessity" (to quote one of the boys). It is not wrong, but to apply it to all types of food and all eating places will only do more harm than good.

It took me some effort to explain that lunch was more than just a meal, and an outing can just be centred around a single meal, without going for a movie or anything afterwards; but even that effort might not have been enough to convince them.

It is a cultural thing.

To the Singaporean heartlander, the use of hands while eating is justified, just like they would do in McDonald's or while eating a chicken wing in a Kopitiam. Talking over a meal and appreciating the ambience of the restaurant is lacking, simply because there is nothing much to appreciate about a Kopitiam atmosphere. Talking, even when done, is done loudly and boisterously, which might fit a hawker centre, but definitely not a restaurant. Dressing is often shabby, which once again fits a hot Kopitiam or a quick stopover at McDonald's but definitely not a restaurant.

It is then, no surprise that Jack's Place or Swensen's in Singapore is a place where you find people clad in slippers and shorts, talking loudly and eating with their hands even when forks, knives and spoons are provided.

It shames me to say that this takes place at wedding dinners as well.

Well, Singaporeans have a knack for thinking their way is the best, even as they speak Singlish to foreigners...

Of course, there is a good majority that has table etiquette and appreciates good stuff. But some go overboard and become snobs, which is bad too.

What we really need is a little situation awareness; to switch modes and attitudes to fit the situation.

Lesson from Life - Scolding

2008-11-24T09:20:00.000+08:00

Throughout my life in National Service, I hardly ever remember scolding anyone. I did not see a point to that.

It is a trend, actually in the army, that superiors are often short-tempered people who snap at the smallest of things; things that I would never even dream could ever annoy anyone.

Scolding, to me, is counter-productive in many ways. Yes, on the spot, yelling at someone might spur him to hurry up, or to get things done when they refuse to do so, but this, to me, is done at the expense of too much. It spoils the guy's day, spoils your day, and in haste, the thing might not be done perfectly well.

Fair enough, scolding will deter the person from making a future mistake if done correctly, but there are many caveats to this. You cannot do it too often, or the person will get numb to it; you must do it at the right time, which is to scold at a time when it will not interfere with the task at hand but not too late to lose its effect.

Then again, I'd rather just confront the person and reason rationally (provided the person is a rational adult).

There are too many pitfalls in the act of scolding. One is at risk of claiming a moral high ground when scolding, as much as he is at risk of making personal attacks rather than addressing the problem. One tends to lose his head when screaming and shouting, often letting his tongue slip and hit a sensitive spot.

And, simply, no one likes an angry man.

Frankly, I don't foresee myself scolding anyone too soon.

Nice Jacket.

2008-11-22T15:12:00.001+08:00

Was taking a look at a cool jacket with Jeremy one day.

It looked good.

He told me that he used to have one that looked much better, but was burnt.

Gonna get me some cool jackets...

Lost in Limbo.

2008-11-19T08:59:00.000+08:00

Limbo...

After something ends, you have this period of transition that you simply have nothing to do... and the trick is finding something to do with that time...

Limbo...

Boring!

2008-11-16T17:22:00.000+08:00

There is one thing I realised about life as you get older. Things are either gritty or boring, and rarely anything in between.

Having completed the things that I have planned to do, there is absolutely nothing else to do.

I wondered as I lay in bed last night; after "It is finished", what next?

Civilian.

2008-11-15T18:07:00.000+08:00

As I said earlier, I drew a very clear line between my military and civilian life. For five days, I was a soldier, and for the other two, I was a civilian. Now, I am making civilian life a full-time thing.

So I had several things I needed to do once I was approaching ORD, which I have completed over the past three weeks.

First, I had to buy new shoes. And I did.

I had to buy new clothes; shirts, long-sleeved ones that I may wear to work or perhaps when I enter university. I did.

I had other plans too, like passing my driving test. I did.

I found spectacles cumbersome and unsightly, and I decided to go for a Lasik surgery, which I did.

It was not as if I could not have done all these while doing my National Service, but it was less practical and more troublesome, depending on which of the abovementioned items you are talking about.

I began this week feeling apprehensive that everything could just fall apart, that if the first thing of the week failed, others might fail with it because my mood was affected, but I guess not.

Things worked out well, thank God. Now everything feels like it is coming together; I can start afresh.

I am a civilian again.

I am free.

Discovering Me - Public Transport.

2008-11-14T09:17:00.000+08:00

We are always in the process of discovering ourselves. And in many ways, we are who we choose to be; our choices make us.

It is easy to stereotype people in very much the same way criminals are profiled; knowing that this person is a computer addict will help you predict, often correctly, that his day was spent on the computer.

Fair enough, it makes the world easier to understand; but people, as they are, are free to do whatever they want, and many things that they do are utterly surprising.

People change, and people discover themselves as they go along... so here goes.

Even though I have spent almost all my life taking public transport wherever I want to go, I realise that ultimately, I hate public transport. It is not that it is bad or anything, in fact, I am quite glad that Singapore's public transport system is pretty developed; you can virtually get anywhere you want on the bus.

The thing about me really, is that I simply abhor standing or sitting in a vehicle for an hour's worth everyday getting to the places I want to go. Whether it is in a car, bus, train or even a plane or a ship, it is unbearable. Simply doing nothing and watching the city go by, trying to entertain yourself with whatever gadgets that you have there and then... it is just not my cup of tea.

Another point is this, other commuters. It is not that I dislike other people around, but it is just irritating how inconsiderate Singaporeans can get, especially during rush hours when it gets crowded. Rude stares, shoving, pushing and sometimes passing annoyed remarks that are absolutely insensitive and unnecessary. To be fair, as with all things, it is just a few black sheep that ruin the flock.

Hmm... Singaporeans... another entry for another day.

There there goes, if there were a teleporter that could teleport me around, or if I were Jumper or Nightcrawler, it would make me so much happier, but this is not Marvel comics or some science fiction movie.

So, unfortunately, not everything happens at home, and inevitably, I'd have to set foot into a vehicle and slowly watch it crawl to my destination while sharing it with numerous me-above-everyone-else's.

Film Recommendation - Secret Diary of a Call Girl

2008-11-13T10:51:00.000+08:00

In case you can't read the fine print there, it goes, "It's her business doing pleasure with you".

Secret Diary of a Call Girl is a rather raunchy TV series that probably will never be shown on Singaporean TV, or at least not without censoring every single episode and trimming almost half of each. But it is an impressive insight into the life and the struggles of a call girl, portrayed in utmost honesty in a tongue-in-cheek manner.

Billie Piper stars as the main character, the call girl who goes by the name Belle. She lives a double life as Hannah, who tells everyone she is a legal secretary who works the night shift.

The series expounds on various aspects of the life of Hannah, in terms of relationships with people, friends, family, and her difficulties in keeping the line between her two lives distinct.

Smart, witty, funny and incredibly frank, the series simply deserves two thumbs up. Not for kids though.

Operationally Ready Date

2008-11-12T15:56:00.000+08:00

Today is the day.

No surprise though, I don't really feel anything.

There is no bubbly feeling on the inside, or some brimming happiness just waiting to explode into a colourful new world.

Just... the knowledge that it is all over.

I'm free.

Cause and effect.

2008-11-11T16:51:00.000+08:00

Before this week started, I was quivering with fear and trepidation.

True enough, I am on my way to freedom from army, closing one chapter in life and opening another. All through my NS life, I drew a clear line between my army life and civilian life. It was distinct; for five days a week (more often than not, it was more than five... unfortunately), I was a soldier, and for the other two, I was a civilian. I kept the two separate; I never brought any of my uniforms home for washing, I washed them in camp. I made sure to keep spending on army items to a minimal. Things that were meant to stay in camp stayed in, while things that were meant to stay out, stayed out.

Now it is time to live as a civilian for seven days a week. But as with all chapters as they unfurl, there are obstacles to overcome, things to achieve that mark the closure of one chapter and opening of the other.

Before this week started, I was terrified by the thought that this new chapter could suddenly just crumble on the first page. I was taken in by the thought that many things we did were actually very correlated; sort of like "I am walking on this path now because I chose to take a left turn instead of a right five minutes ago", or "I am late for this event because of a stomachache, which was in turn caused by eating that meal last night, which was in turn... and so on and so forth"... A snowballing of cause and effect.

So, there was my driving test to begin with, and so passing or failing the test might very much affect how this new chapter begins, or so I thought, and felt.

Well anyway, I passed.

I have the tester to thank though, but that is something to ponder some other day... the hand of others in your life...

Film Recommendation - Tropic Thunder

2008-11-08T18:22:00.001+08:00

Comedies rarely get very high ratings. Even those that do, rarely are funny. Tropic Thunder is the kind that breaks both rules.

In fact, the film satirises and mocks the excesses of conventional Hollywood, from its stars to its producers, through a film-within-a-film. In the film, Black, Stiller and Downey Jr. portray actors who are attempting to film the titular movie. Aptly said by Downey Jr.'s character, he is a "dude playing a dude who's trying to play another dude".

The film lashes out at the acting profession, and how far some actors have really gone. There is the drug-addicted actor played by Black, the fading action hero played by Stiller, the method actor gone-too-far in Downey Jr., the rapper-actor who has gone too far in promoting some products, and an unknown actor attempting to gain recognition. All these different characters, placed perfectly in a setting against a floundering production at the start, and then an explosive battle with some militant drug junkies produce hilarious results and countless movie parodies, but not before delivering its message in tongue-in-cheek fashion.

Fantastic dramatisation of the characters by all the actors, with Downey Jr. making an amazing impression as both a black man and an Australian (he sounds a lot like Hugh Jackman with his Aussie accent). Tom Cruise's role is equally shocking too. One may possibly watch the entire film without realising that the actor was in the film, even though he appears onscreen in plain sight, spouting expletive after expletive in numerous scenes.

Simply amazing. A must-watch.

Lesson from Life - School of Hard Knocks

2008-11-08T08:10:00.000+08:00

Wednesday officially marks my graduation from the school of hard knocks.

For a period of 22 months, I was put through a system that only went to show the darker side of people.

The first year was rather decent, and possibly belonged to the more romantic version that most people imagine the army being. Training was tough, but you had people to go through it with you. As a trainee, your level of responsibility is limited to your personal effects, and though sometimes it might get complicated, you generally do not have much trouble.

Training was tough in the first year, no doubt about that, with packed schedules and plenty of daily physical activity between technical and tactical training. In the end, you emerge feeling fruitful and fulfilled. There may be people who skive their way through and barely scrape through the course, but these are the minority, and, other than nasty comments and a low public opinion, there is no real consequence to people around.

As for the second year, things got a lot grittier and nastier. Getting a junior commander's rank only heaped a world of responsibility onto us. All at once, we were expected to take responsibility for everyone's actions, superiors and subordinates as well as peers. It was terrible. We had our own person to worry about too. The worst thing was, we were the new guys. Like fools, we were the bin into which they threw all the dirty work.

It was amazing how many hard knocks they could deliver without even realising that we were collapsing under the workload. For months, we had so few weekends. Hard for anyone who has not suffered such a system to imagine, but, try this: fancy spending every single day in camp. Friends would ask us out, but our answers always had to be a sad "No". We were literally robbed of our lives.

It was also amazing how antagonistic our superiors could get, even though they often professed to be on our side. Oversight was their greatest flaw, and we were made to bear the brunt of it all.

Yes, eventually we got smart and more savvy. These people always assumed that you were very happy doing the loads of rubbish if you never spoke up, so we broke the trend and decided to speak up. We spoke a lot, with due respect and with all courtesy. We spoke of problems and solutions, of ways to rectify the problem. But, as usual, these people turned their ugly faces and instead regarded us as whiners and complaint-mongers.

But, like I said, we got smart, and savvy, that is why it is time for us to go.

I spoke with a friend who works as a pediatrician just yesterday, and simply put, I was horrified to hear how similar his life was to my life in the School of Hard Knocks, or rather, mine to his. Semantics like "duties" have simply been replaced by words like "on call". Weekends are vanquished in very much the same way, as are superiors, and as is the work.

Makes me think, perhaps all we had was just a glimpse of the gritty future that lay on the horizon.

Film Recommendation - X-Files (Series)

2008-11-07T09:41:00.002+08:00

We are way past the X-Files generation now, but even so, the series still holds it merits.

Each episode of the X-Files is constructed around B-movie material, such as psychics, strange beasts and weird people, exploring things from myth to urban legend in a modern, skeptical, scientific, mystery style that almost always leads to some climactic adrenaline-pumping final scene where it all comes together.

The series, including the two films that have been made so far, explores ideas such as government conspiracies (the idea of a "necessary lie"), science vs. religion, fact vs. fiction and puts it all down to a simple concept of faith; faith, which rests on the fine line between the probable and impossible, basing a conjecture on a few hunches and loose facts to in an attempt to grasp a complete picture that is beyond understanding.

Mark Snow's compositions are brilliant too, ranging from the all-too-familiar opening theme of the series to music that creates an atmosphere of utter thrill and tension or even emotional. One of my favourites is the piano and violin X-Files theme to the catchy thumping of rock-n-roll drums heard during the closing credits of the latest film, X-Files: I Want to Believe.

Though occasionally lapsing, and sometimes a little too slow-paced and dry for the modern audience, one must truly appreciate the artistic nature of the series. Then, and only then, will we understand why X-Files is one of the best cult TV shows of all time.

N-12

2008-11-07T07:29:00.000+08:00

When I caught Quantum of Solace on Wednesday, I found an uncanny coincidence in my seat number.

N-12.

Of course, I somewhat chose the ticket stub, between a choice of N-11 and N-12.

N-12; November 12th, ORD.

But I really don't feel anything too special... and I seriously don't think the day of ORD is going to feel any different.

Civilian Conversion Course.

2008-11-04T06:52:00.000+08:00

Ever since I returned, I have been going through a crash course to return to civilian life, which includes spending a lot of money...

A lot.

Hillsong - Your Name High

2008-11-02T20:45:00.000+08:00

Lesson from Life - NS, A Reflection

2008-11-02T15:04:00.000+08:00

It is a good thing to reflect on a phase of life once it draws to a close, and needless to say, I have been yearning for moments like these since January 2007.

Conversations with people over the past few days have made me feel that my NS is probably one of the grittiest.

I entered National Service as a wide-eyed, ambitious teenager with aspirations and plans that I was seeking to fulfil over the course of my service. Life went on, and reality revealed its ugly side. Aspirations were dashed, hopes were shattered, and the illusions created by my own naivete were torn to pieces. Yet these were still mild compared to the even uglier side that was to come.

When I first entered my unit, I was given another illusion to gaze upon. It was an illusion that quickly shattered once I was promoted to the sergeant rank.

Along with my fellow sergeants, we felt entirely abused, thrown around like dogs and slaves to run ridiculous errands with no reward, or even the slightest recognition. Entire weekends were spent in camp, and never paid back in days off, or even given a slight nod of approval. It was as if it was expected of us.

Simply put, life sucked.

The atmosphere darkened, grew tense... People were frustrated, and they took it out on each other.

This went on for a good part of this year.

Nonetheless, I have had experience training overseas in two countries, which have had their fair share of disappointments as well as rewards.

At the end of it all, I must say that National Service has made me more mature, but not in a very good way. It has shown me the gritty side of things; of superiors, of peers, and of organisations.

It has taught me about leadership, more specifically showing me the kind of leaders one should not be.

It has taught me about people, about the kind that works to cover their own asses.

It has taught me about responsibility, taught me Tai Chi.

Many people grow disillusioned with the army, and with our defence capabilities as a result of all these gritty realities. Suffice to say that I am disappointed with the system, but I still believe.

An organisation is comprised of its people. The only reason why the army is such a difficult place to work in lies in all of us; all of us, a bunch of unhappy, dissatisfied individuals characterised by disbelief in the system.

The system on its own is flawless. It is the people who are flawed. Some are just plain lazy, or selfish, or just too rigid. It is a conflict of new ideas and old, of people who believe and of people who do not.

Still, in spite of all these, I have been convinced that National Service is still a necessity.

Just think about it, imagine a terrorist charges into your home and threatens to kill your family. You have a rifle at your disposal. The scariest thought is not of the terrorist, but of the possibility that you might not even know how to operate the weapon to protect your family.

We are all blind men groping the darkness for a path. We have stumbled into this web of necessity, but do not know the way to go about it.

Peeling away the beautiful facade that the army tries to put up, and sweeping away the layers of acculmated grit, there is little choice but to say that we have a duty to fulfil.

Film Recommendation - Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

2008-10-31T16:44:00.001+08:00

I watched the first Hellboy movie, and I was not quite impressed, even though the reviews rated it highly. However, the appeal of the second film far exceeds the first.

The film essentially explores the life of Hellboy, who is a demon living among humans and fighting supernatural creatures. Somewhat like a superhero movie at first glance, but the film goes further than that. Poetically exploring the themes of acceptance in society, love, the environment and human greed, and by-the-book solutions versus ad hoc, spur-of-the-moment actions, the film truly deserves its high ratings.

This film also improves on the action sequences, making it much more spectacular than the first film, whose action sequences seemed little more than street brawls. The dazzling swordfights with Prince Nuada are simply amazing.

Sonata Arctica - Victoria's Secret

2008-10-30T13:26:00.002+08:00

Victoria's Secret

The light escapes her room tonight.
Every little moment tells her, now it's time,.
Opening a new scar, closing the wounds with a knife.
No more crying in the lanterns light...

Leave with the first light, go when you still see the moon.
Run for the sunlight, gate is now open for you.

Dancing on the path and singing now you got away.
You can reach the goals that you have set from now on , every day.
There is no way you would go back now, oh no, those days are past.
Life is waiting for the one who loves to live, and it is not a secret...

The Shades of darkness filled her life.
In every single corner you can not turn right.
Night could pass for a day, in her lack of faith, she let it all fade away.
Once more, a cry in the lanterns light...

Lost in the sunlight, leave, you will not see the moon.
Walk for the first time, no one has waited for you...

Dancing on the path and singing now you got away.
You can reach the goals that you have set from now on, every day.
There is no way you would go back now, oh no, those days are past.
Life is waiting for the one who loves to live, and it is not a secret...

Dancing on the path and singing now you got away.
You can reach the goals that you have set from now on, every day.
There is no way you would go back now, oh no, those days are past.
Life's there for the ones who love to live and take it all, for it is free...

Dancing on the path and singing now you got away.
You can reach the goals that you have set from now on, every day.
There is no way you would go back now, oh no, those days are past.
Life is waiting for the one who loves to live, and it is not a secret...

The End.

2008-10-30T07:57:00.000+08:00

After a gruelling month out of the country, the end of all things has come.

Nights were cold, days were hot with no shade; days were long and nights were longer. Many things happened out there...

Got to ride in the chinook once and twice in the Super Pumas; they were good experiences, but SPs make you feel queasy after a ride.

Lived like a jungle man for the entire month, then suddenly got plunged into civilian life where I had amazing gourmet cuisines...

Nevertheless...

It is the end.

Swansong.

2008-10-06T07:53:00.000+08:00

Months ago, I started telling myself that this exercise was the end.

It is true, but now that it has come, I feel apprehensive. It is the prospect of staying away from home for so long, staying out in the wilds, working my guts out that scares me.

Felt miserable for some reason yesterday... and that sore throat and cold are not helping either.

Anyway, here's my swansong.

Then, freedom.

The end begins.

2008-10-05T17:28:00.000+08:00

I know that this is the end.

But I just don't feel it.

In fact, a huge deluge of thoughts and emotions floods through my mind; I don't know which emotion or thought to pick.

It's the beginning of the end.

Mimic Octopus

2008-10-04T09:32:00.000+08:00

Here's a cool creature: the Mimic Octopus.

The last stretch.

2008-10-03T19:18:00.000+08:00

After coming around for a gruelling one year and nine months, I have come to the final one-month stretch.

Something in me is telling me that I am grossly underestimating the nature of the coming month, but there is little I can do against it.

Anyway, it will be over soon.

Hear the freedom call.

Final haircut.

2008-10-01T09:11:00.001+08:00

On Monday, I went for a haircut that got my hair shaved unbelievably short; so short that I might even make monks jealous...

Anyway, here was the thing, when I showered, I squeezed my usual lot of shampoo and applied it to my head, only to feel the shampoo trickling off my hand and off my head onto my neck without getting caught in any hair.

I made that same mistake twice.

The last time I got a haircut, I told myself there would only be one more; one more this year, one more till I am free.

This is that one.

The final haircut.

The next time I cut my hair... is probably about three to four months later.

Lesson from Life - TV show.

2008-09-28T17:49:00.000+08:00

Of all TV shows I have ever seen, I think one of the most accomplished is the Sarah Connor Chronicles.

While the series overrides the Terminator films a little, and causes some continuity issues, the themes explored by the series are simply fantastic.

However, the new season of the series seems to pale slightly in comparison to the excellent start it made in the first, albeit short season. There is a lack of Sarah's contemplative voiceovers and the lack of characterisation of the terminator Cameron; two things which make the series stand out.

Nonetheless, not a week passes without my yearning to catch the next episode.

It's somewhat like life; you yearn so hard for the future, but you do not know what to expect. When it comes, you taste it, savour it, knowing full well that it will leave you yearning for even more.

It is an endless cycle that just goes on until the reel runs out.

I can't imagine the day when I wish to catch the next episode, but know I will never have a chance to see it.

The end of all things; it is disturbing, unfathomable...

Miss Swan - Salon Interview

2008-09-26T17:39:00.000+08:00

Imminent.

2008-09-26T17:37:00.000+08:00

The end of this journey is coming.

I can feel it.

Lesson from Life - An alibi for abuse.

2008-09-22T13:11:00.000+08:00

Appointments, ranks and positions are a necessity in organisations; but they are a necessary evil.

Fair enough, you cannot have the janitor ordering the boss around, or the secretary doing the boss' work, but the reality of superiority often leads to abuse. Simple things like "You must do what I say because I am the boss" allow people to manipulate others at their whim and fancy.

It might be a little easier in the outside world, but in uniformed organisations, ranks become an alibi for abuse. Superiors simply order their men to do their dirty work, and their men have to simply "suck it up", a term I have come to learn and hate.

A thing I have learnt; rank does not have to be respected to the letter.

Think about it, out in the big bad world when war strikes, if the men do not respect their officers, they can simply ignore his orders, or worse, kill him. They vastly outnumber him, (and the bigger the rank, the greater the ratio) and can simply overpower him should he push his luck too far.

Same goes for the government. The government is only so big; if the people should choose to withdraw their support completely, no army or politicking is going to save their lives.

Humans are not machines. Machines do not rebel, they do not complain; they only break down. The last thing any human subordinate should do is behave like an automaton.

Think about it, why does one even bother to listen to what one's superior says? Take a simple example, an officer orders his men to charge into the line of fire. At that very moment, there is nothing that compels the men to listen his order. He is not a superman that he can physically force everyone to do what he says, and neither does he have the ability to control their minds telepathically. The men can simply disobey; the officer is completely helpless.

When the biggest superior stomps his feet, the people on the ground get a mega earthquake. But when the people stampede, the boss is trampled to a pulp.

Pity the organisations with bad bosses.

Limbo.

2008-09-17T08:01:00.000+08:00

When a phase of life begins to end, and another begins to start, we enter a state of limbo.

It is the period of time where we feel frustrated, neither here nor there; it is a period of time we begin to make choices. It is a period of time where old things fade and new things have not filled up the void.

So, we are in that state of limbo where we do not, and cannot, do anything much with that time, except to wait and watch things fade.

Within Temptation - What Have You Done

2008-09-11T20:56:00.002+08:00

What Have You Done?

Would you mind if I hurt you?
Understand that I need to
Wish that I had other choices
than to harm the one I love

What have you done now?!

I know I'd better stop trying
You know that there's no denying
I won't show mercy on you now
I know, should stop believing
I know, there's no retrieving
It's over now, what have you done?

What have you done now?!

I, I've been waiting for someone like you
But now you are slipping away... oh
Why, why does fate make us suffer?
There's a curse between us, between me and you

What have you done?! What have you done?!
What have you done?! What have you done?!
What have you done now?!
What have you done?! What have you done?!
What have you done?! What have you done?!
What have you done now?!

Would you mind if I killed you?
Would you mind if I tried to?
'cause you have turned into my worst enemy
You carry hate that I don't feel
It's over now
What have you done?

What have you done now?!

I, I've been waiting for someone like you
But now you are slipping away... oh
What have you done now?!
Why, why does fate make us suffer?
There's a curse between us, between me and you

What have you done?! What have you done?!
What have you done?! What have you done?!
What have you done now?!
What have you done?! What have you done?!
What have you done?! What have you done?!
What have you done now?!
What have you done now, what have you done?...

I will not fall, won't let it go
We will be free when it ends

I, I've been waiting for someone like you
But now you are slipping away... oh
What have you done now?!
Why, why does fate make us suffer?
There's a curse between us, between me and you

I, I've been waiting for someone like you
But now you are slipping away... oh
What have you done now?!
Why, why does fate make us suffer
There's a curse between us, between me and you

Facing the demons.

2008-09-11T05:59:00.000+08:00

If there is anything in army that counts as my nemesis, it is this: Standard Obstacle Course.

It is the most terrible 10 minutes of your life possible. You run, then clear a bunch of insane obstacles, then run again in a desperate attempt to meet the timing.

I went to the test yesterday, completely prepared to fail. I decided that whether I passed or failed, that would be the last time I tried to do that horrible thing.

It started decently, I ran apace with most of the detail. Reaching the obstacles, I started walking, clearing one obstacle after another slowly, making sure I tried each only once.

Jumping down from the ramp, I started running. It was a desperate rush, but my legs could not take me any faster, and neither could my mind.

I reached the end. Checking my watch, I saw the time: 9.31. To pass, one had to achieve below 9.30.

I checked with the time keepers: 32.29. Deduct the 23 minutes to account for the detail levels, I've got it.

9.29.

Nemesis no more.

Lesson from Life - Of Rewards and Favours.

2008-09-07T07:20:00.000+08:00

Strictly speaking, "doing one's job" would mean that someone actually does something, and because he does it, he gets paid. Fair enough...

On the other hand, doing someone a favour is quite different; you do that thing out of your own goodwill, and you expect no payment other than that the goodwill of the other person.

So, on that count, I look at the system that I have been a part of for the past two years.

Reality is this: the system is flawless, but the people are flawed.

As the past two years have gone, I look at it and reflect. I don't really gain anything out of heading out to the fields and bashing through swamps and getting myself all dirty and tired; I'd rather stay put and have a proper meal and get a decent bed to sleep on, since there is no incentive for heading out. Think about it; which person in his right frame of mind would want to go out and get all dirty when he gets nothing out of it but the 'feel-good' sense of accomplishment to feed his stomach with?

Give someone a day, a week, a month or a year in this rewardless experience and soon even the blindest of fools will realise this simple fact; we are merely doing them a favour. A favour does not get material incentive; it only gets that warm and fuzzy feeling as a form of gratitude. Worse, if these efforts and completely not appreciated.

A pitiful thing is that many superiors in the world today fail to realise that their subordinates have absolutely no reason to listen to them. It is not as if their subordinates would get that extra dollar, or that recommendation just because they stood in a particular posture today, or sat in a certain place at the whim and fancy of their superiors. The superiors in our world today exploit their 'power' without truly realising that the real power lies in the hands of the people under them.

Power is a gift, given by subordinates to their superiors; power to tell them to do multiple favours while accepting the fact that these favours will never be requited, power to order them around.

In the absence of a tangible reward, the system will soon crumble, particularly if the subordinates completely dislike this particular superior and decide to withdraw his given right.

The communist system failed because it failed to address the human need for incentive; a tangible incentive beyond the lofty ideals of 'worldwide revolution'.

People need to feed their stomachs with real food, not simply the warm, fuzzy feelings of "I have done this well"; they need to be rewarded, or at least have a superior worth doing favours for.

Ultimately, when superiors fail to realise that they are actually just normal people who request multiple favours from other normal people, they will soon find themselves little more than angry little men who jump and stomp their feet against a crowd of giants.

Epica - Feint

2008-09-05T11:08:00.002+08:00

Feint

The very brightest candle of all has been extinguished
Smothered by those who could not bear to face reality

Every beat of your heart tore the lies all apart
Made foundations quiver
Every wave in the lake caused the porcelain to break
And I shiver...

The leftover tallow just doesn't contain
All the right answers
Under a sea of dust lies a vast wealth of wisdom

An untouched snow turns red
Innocence dies

This black page in history is not colourfast, will stain the next
All that remains is just a feint of what was meant to be
This black page in history is not colourfast, will stain the next
And nothing seems in life, in dreams like what was meant to be

Film Recommendation - Pushing Daisies

2008-09-04T18:13:00.001+08:00

I'm not exactly a fan of romance drama, but recently, I have been coming across numerous films that portray romance in a very unique way, put smiles on your face with its numerous sweet moments and make you go "Aww...".

What really drew me to Pushing Daisies was not the fact that it is a romantic TV-series, but the premise of it, where the main character can raise the dead with a single touch; touch them again, and they die forever. A very unique romance ensues when Ned, the main character, raises Chuck, his childhood sweetheart, to life. He cannot touch her for fear that she would drop dead forever. Together with another guy, they go around solving murder mysteries by raising the murder victims.

The light-hearted comic nature of the film, the awe surrounding the murder-mysteries they solve each week, and the sheer sweetness of its romantic moments is a must-watch for all.

Film Recommendation - WALL.E

2008-09-01T20:59:00.000+08:00

It is easy for us to dismiss an animated film as another children's cartoon fantasy, but the fact is, it is not. WALL.E first impresses the audience as a weird love story between two robots, but in the midst of that awkward love story is a grim warning of a dark post-apocalyptic future if humans carry on their reckless ways.

There are commentaries on several levels; the idea of man vs. machine, man vs. Nature, the idea of sentient robots and materialism are some of the themes raised in the film. The film poetically and light-heartedly addresses all these themes, with plenty of humourous moments and moments that make your heart melt and go "Awww... so sweet...".

Ultimately, the film concludes with the powerful message of the triumph of willpower over all.

Simply fantastic.

Dragonforce - Heroes of Our Time

2008-08-30T09:41:00.001+08:00

Heroes of Our Time

Lost in a dream, finally it seems,
Emptiness and everlasting madness,
See the sadness grow, watching as we know,
Blinded for our journey for the world,
Call for us, the power in all of us,
So far beyond the blackened sky tonight...
Glorious, forever more in us,
We are victorious, and so alive.

[Chorus]
We'll all find our sacrifice tomorrow,
Our journey on towards a brighter day,
Silent tears we left behind, still so far away,
Across the endless sands,
Through the fields of our despair,
Free for all eternity, we stand, yeah,
Rise above the universe tonight,
Starchaser...

Fly towards the storm, see the world reborn,
Feel the pain inside, the voice, the sorrow,
Across the distant shores, find the open door,
Stand alone, in judgment for tomorrow.

Years of pain still haunt us all, we saw the last sunrise,
Take me home, in freedom, for a lifetime...
Praying on for the silence, and the last tears will blind,
So glorious, this fight inside, united we stand.

[Chorus]
And we'll all find our sacrifice tomorrow,
Our journey on towards a brighter day,
Silent tears we left behind, still so far away,
Across the endless sands,
Through the fields of our despair,
Free for all eternity, we stand, yeah,
Rise above the universe tonight,
Starchaser...

Free from this world, here for the last time,
Oceans collide inside of us all,
Believe who we are,
The phoenix will guide us,
Freedom will rise once again.

Save us tonight, the last hope for all of us,
Light-years gone by, we're still holding on,
Save us tonight, a star shines in all of us,
Far beyond our lives, still our glory lives on.

[Chorus]
And we'll all find our sacrifice tomorrow,
Our journey on towards a brighter day,
Silent tears we left behind, still so far away,
Across the endless sands,
Through the fields of our despair,
Free for all eternity, we stand, yeah,
Rise above the universe tonight,
Starchaser...Starchaser...

Our kingdom come, we stand as one,
And we will live for always evermore...

Final two.

2008-08-30T09:38:00.000+08:00

You would think that two months to freedom would almost equal freedom itself, but no.

As far as it seems, workload seems still as much, if not more.

Survive...

Epica - Sensorium

2008-08-24T20:45:00.000+08:00

Sensorium

Chance doesn't exist
But the path of life is not totally so predestined
And time and chronology show us how all should be
In the ways of existence
To find out why we are here

Being consciousness is a torment
The more we learn is the less we get
Every answer contains a new quest
A quest to non existence, a journey with no end

No one surveys the whole, focus on things so small
But life's objective is to make it meaningful
Searching only for this
That which doesn't exist
Although our ability to relativize remains unclear

I'm not afraid to die
I'm afraid to be alive without being aware of it

I'm so afraid to, I couldn't stand to
Waste all my energy on things
That do not matter anymore

Our future has already been written by us alone
But we don't grasp the meaning
Of our programmed course of life
Our future has already been wasted by us alone
And we just let it happen and do not worry at all

We only fear what comes
And smell death every day
Search for the answers that lie beyond